What makes it hard for me to understand is the motives of people. I really think much of myself to understand the motives of people because I am just like everyone else. I can look back and see why I have done things for what reason that made it clear for me to act in a certain manner. I had hurt a few people in my life so far and I am not proud of these things that had occurred in my past but it is what it is and we are nowhere today to speak upon those things and reflect on how I think about other people and their motives.
When you heard that saying about communication is everything, it really means its everything. communication can either make any relationship or break any relationship. certain actions can be justified by communicating. speaking from the heart with a stern voice, hiding nothing, and being honest goes a long way. if anything happens from a mistake or a misjudgment, a feeling or emotion, loneliness, or boredom. We are all human, we are all the same. I get urges and such just like everyone else. when I make a decision now it is based on what is the gain or loss from the actions I take or pursue. I think about how it would affect my partner and how it would make her feel. I take everything into account and make a decision. This was not the case when I was growing up in my teenage years. I can blame many different things for why I was the person I was in my teenage years but this is for another blog post.
When I was in my teenage year’s id have an urge of sexual desire and to please as many women as I could, which me being an awkward quiet person wasn’t many lol, I mostly got laughed at but, I did score a few times. at this time I wanted it all, I wanted a girlfriend at home and a few side chicks to entertain me, pretty chicks that get me in my zone and feel uncomfortable. ugly chicks to hone my courtship abilities. My values were all out of whack. In my teenage years, my path vision was skewed and I couldn’t see a foot in front of me without getting distracted by the opposite sex. I didn’t care about any bodies feelings, I just wanted to conquer. I acted like this just because this was the only thing I knew and honestly didn’t care to know anything else, just going by what was driving me. This being the person and character that was derived from my whole existence which steered me to do the things I have done.
For me to recognize this, to see it in the light as it is, to grasp it and own it, I feel like makes me a better person, a better human. To understand myself and to like myself makes all the difference. Perhaps another reason why I did what I did in my teenage years would be because of me not liking myself.
When I had matured I left a lot of people behind. This ultimately made me more quiet and awkward because now I am less like the peers I had around me.
Today I view people from the third person. I view everyone as a reflection of myself until shown otherwise. Everyone gets a chance in my book until something occurs that can’t be looked passed unless you are considered family and even still can be dropped.
Today I have been in a relationship for a year now. My relationship was pretty good I wouldn’t say “ideal” because of both of our misplaced judgments and lack of understanding. I’m known to blindly trust like everyone else, until a few months ago. Id trust but at a distance where I would not attach my true emotions, (if I still have those, haven’t felt them in a while) keeping me safe. Until yesterday things just made sense on why she was acting odd more than usual. I saw myself acting like this at one point in time and could relate. I didn’t bother, I just let things play out. It ended up being that she as still talking to her ex which she had ample amount of opportunity to clear it up but she stuck to her guns and rode out. she tried to convince me about how much she loved me but this didn’t fly with me. I understood where shes coming from and where she had been and could see in other examples why women act a certain way. but it is what it is and we are still young and maybe one day just one day can see eye to eye. My goals and values are lined up, hers are clearly not. I know, I know, I know, it’s all gonna be alright.
Thank you for reading my blog, Follow me on Instagram @tangiblethomas and Youtube @tangiblethomas……. I’m just a regular everyday normal guy, (there ain’t nothing special bout me mutha fucka- Jon lajoie)