Okay so the titles are what trips me up the most. I can never come up with clever titles all the time to pertain to what topic I want to write about. I don’t even know what to write some times when I start writing. I am just putting my mind and emotions down on electronic paper and if it flows somewhere then that’s where we will go.
I had an idea earlier perhaps. I have just been thinking about connecting to my family more. I can call everyone that is close to me but I don’t want to be an asshole or sound self-centered, or like the world revolves around me. these views are just going to be from observation of my own self from the third person, relayed to you. like a pass-through entity I am just speaking as if I were a fly on the wall viewing from the outside. maybe someone else out there feels like this. When I try and connect with my family members I never feel satisfied when trying to communicate or just catch up on life things, or they don’t fulfill me need of knowledge about their day or current events going on with them. I had just learned a new way to describe the feelings I had in a new way about people. We are all people, you, me, your mom, my grandfather, we all as a whole are “people.” I will describe the term before giving it a name. To me sometimes when I care enough to notice or see things for what they are, I see people just living lives just to live. When Id meet new people or talk to “old” people in my life, Id ask very simple questions. Perhaps the most simple to find what makes people tic, why do people do certain things, why are they “acting” a certain way or being persistent to what they are.
I am going out on a limb here.
Everyone places people inside of a box. For example, I will place my dog in a “box” and expect him to act inside this “box.” This box is imaginary. Of course your dog, my dog, his dog, we can all expect it to act like a dog. Dogs bark, they wag their tails and so forth. Now if your sister come and says, “yo my dog and I just had a full conversation and we held hands while walking on the beach, after I walked him in the leash.” You would ask your sister if she had a hit of acid 30 minutes earlier of her experience with her dog lol.. This “box” we put around people, we do it to everyone. If that person we expect to act a certain way, or we assume they are a certain person, or our first impression would lead us to believe they are a certain kind of person, would not act like how we imagined them to act like, this would confuse us. They say don’t judge a book by its cover. sometimes this is true sometimes it is not. When someone has an idea of a person it is hard to change their mind. We make this box for people unknowingly, subconsciously.
When I say these things about people again it is just a view I have in my head, Im just like everyone else.. nothing special about me.. nothing special about anyone.. I was on Instagram looking at all the female models which they seem intimidating with their superior beauty. The really sexy girls with money is what really turns me on and makes me think twice about my life. It makes me think what am I doing wrong and what it would take as a man to attract one of those beauty queens. Money is status and with status my ego takes over and fucks me hard. living in between a spiritual world, and a perceivable world is very difficult I am not going to lie about this. finding the words and the mind power, the time, the energy, the want to do things is sometimes easy and it is sometime hard for me. finding the care to live in a perceivable world makes things hard to do. thinking about the helpless people I have in my life. The people I have in my life are not helpless in all areas, or no areas at that, everyone is fully capable of taking care of themselves as they see fit. But the visions I see and the knowledge I have gives me a wider view on what else needs to be done in order to take care of the people closest us, such as children. A lot of us are still children, we are grown children but do not like to admit this. But I ask you, what Is an “adult” suppose to have? When I say children I mean children that are innocent to their person. They can not be blamed for things they don’t know about. What’s different from adults and children is that children are curious are always willing to learn things and do things out of the ordinary in most cases.
Adults can have things like money, this is the big thing people like to associate “adulting” with. with money you can have your own things, blah blah blah… This is all a construct that was placed into ur head. I feel like I am dying, bleeding out, knowledge is such a burden. it hurts to know things, and I understand why people are shells of people. just living life a simple as they can. not questioning things, and just being cows basically, just grazing in a field.. Sometimes I just want to forget, but then my ego takes over and amplifies my wants, my needs, my thirst for knowledge.
Sometimes I imagine myself outside my current life. these thoughts give me relief. I imagine that I have no responsibilities. Nothing holding me down to this life. to which I am free to do what ever I please or want. to be truly free of my things, of my possessions, of my thoughts, my fears, my desires, to just be. not being controlled by anything just my pure intuition of the mind and soul. id wish it would be easy, I wish things everything was simple. Time Is wasted yet it is regained in the next life, if you set up correctly for it..
But anyways I’m on spiritual high now, I will get back later, thank you for reading, i am gonna work on my cannon g15 vs iPhone 11 pro camera’s cuz I’m bored and just wanted to, peace out.