What is the goal in life? What is the purpose? What do I really want or what can I say that comes to mind when these questions are asked. I wonder why my mind is stuck in somewhat of a kind of perpetual habit. The gears are just spinning and everything is greased nicely but when certain things arrive into my mind the gears start to grind and sometimes stop all together. This is a real pain for me. Some of these things that come to my mind that make the gears in my head grind are why people don’t respond sometimes in a certain way or unexpectedly or not at all. I think everyone says something for an intention whether its saying I Love you , or commanding, or asking, or every which way you can say something. Whether people are conscious of these things like I am, I am not sure. All the different ways you can say something to someone else there is almost an unlimited way of words, tones, expressions, and volumes we can say things that all can have diverse effects. What I Dont understand is how you can say something, such as “can I get a pack of new port 100’s” and the cashier gets them becuase they are getting paid to serve you and you asked nicely. If id say something racial while asking the same question im sure id get beat up or some other effect would happen. Now if id say something to someone thats close to me and truly mean it, with full intention of my words and get a different effect almost all the time? I can never figure this out to the point Iv just ignored the whole thing and kind of expect it. I think thats my issue to the point of where I am expecting it and its been such a habit now its become a part of my gravitational pull in the universe. I have to expect different and be certain about what I am expecting and never doubt what to expect and get whats expecting. This is key for success in my life and this will be executed. I will mot forget this, For my own benefit. When I expect something I shall receive it. This could be a dangerous game though. I was told that I was playing games with my myself. And this I could say I must be.
But anyway, I have been dreaming a lot lately and getting into very vivid dreams. Very explanatory dreams where I recall most of what was happening. The last few nights Iv been dreaming for what seems like 10 minutes at a time. They are very light dreams though. Compared to the full fledge dreams I would have as a child where I was lucid dreaming and astral projecting. But maybe one day I will achieve this which I give myself time to adapt. I am in too many waters to focus on just one now. My energy is all over the board and it has been for a long time. Iv lost many relationships and such due to this and its super lonely sometimes but I keep my eye on the prize. I have climbed the ladder to the top so far at the moment. Maybe the next portion of the ladder will reveal itself in the future. I have had some help and I am more than grateful. The help in the form of emotional help, and I will repay everyone that I can somehow. Repay in knowledge, material, time, love, I still have to figure all of these things out but I am getting closer and closer to the goal.
Thank you for reading. Peace out