Silent suffering


On the day that changed my life forever, I remember the details so vividly they keep replaying over and over in my head. I remember sitting on the curb as several deputies had arrived to intimidate me while I was in a panic and in fear of my life with my hands in a metal device used to restrict my arms behind my back linked together at the wrists. I still have marks on my wrists. My knee is having large scabs and my eye is in pain, it’s hard for me to fall asleep. Going to the hospital is not an option when they will send me a bill. I don’t have insurance, I can’t even seek medical help to get me through this.  I am not happy being alive right now and it’s hard for me to say this but my counselor says that I need to vent and voice my vulnerabilities in order to overcome them. It’s embarrassing that I now will be looked at going anywhere knowing my picture has been advertised in criminal columns in the newspaper perhaps. It’s online and I know people look at them. My friends, and family all asked me what happened, I am so embarrassed. I am being judged and my life has changed since this day had happened to me. I wish things could have been different.

What in this world did I do to deserve this? I pray and ask God for forgiveness. What did God have in plan for me for this to happen to me? I ask God why did this happen to me. What caused me to go through this pain and why I am suffering in this life now. I had asked God to take over and give me the strength to make it through this nightmare. I pray every day for courage and he grants me the courage to get inside the vehicle that I was driving when the pain was caused. I tremble before getting in it to go to work. Today I was gifted with my kid’s laughter and I know I have to give them the world by working hard but it’s not easy. God helps me every day to get through this. It’s only been a little over a week now and I just wish this would just go away.


Categories Uncategorized
%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close