August Eight Two Thousand and Twenty

I have turned to God to help me through this. Through this struggle and pain Iv been able to have a better experience in life after the day my life had changed. Iv been reflecting on my life and all the endeavors I had been through and do not regret one thing about my life. Every decision I have ever made has brought me today to where I am. God has helped me to get to where I am and this is where I want to stay. Iv been reflecting a lot about myself and just wanted to put things out to the world. I know its not good to talk about yourself all the time but bear with me I am going through a lot right now. I wish I could talk about other things but I have a pending doom lurking over me. A dark cloud and this is my outlet I guess, helps me cope.


At a young age, I knew I was different. I was really small and had a lot of friends. I would make everyone laugh and always get in trouble for talking too much. I had to start working at a young age, I dropped out of high school at fifteen. The local Kmart had paid me $7.30 an hour. I saved up four thousand dollars working for a year and bought my first car. A 1998 Nissan Sentra 1.6L GLE with a sunroof.


Iv always been outside of the box thinker. I was fortunate enough to live in the same town my whole life. A lot of my friends that I still keep in contact with had told me some surprising things I wasn’t inspecting later in life. Iv had friends tell me that they had looked up to me in our elementary school years and middle school years. Iv had people tell me they were coping off my tests which I had no idea. Today I can’t seem to find people that I can really connect with being that I feel like I am different from everyone else by nature.


As a very small child from walking to age 7 or so, I would be able to have lucid dreams, very vivid dreams. I would have very strong déjà vu experiences one right after the other. I remember my sister now (she’s 18 years older than me) saying that I could tell the future. These things bring me happy thoughts and knowing this.


Today I am grown and interested in a lot of things in this world. I have explored everything that I wanted to be interested in and I love complex things that are new to me. I love music and listen to every kind of music. I love all movies and watch every kind of movie, I re-watch my favorites. I wish I had time for animals. I love learning things. I don’t learn things and expect not to use the knowledge I have. I am always reading and learning. I wish I had time for instruments and art but this isn’t much interest for me currently. I love car mechanics, I work on all friends and family’s cars, oil changes, brakes, radiators, stereos, everything. I love the internet, I have created a website for my business and maintain it, everything to with SEO, marketing, advertising. I love creating videos and filming. I love finances and accounting, one of the most complicated things to learn is Taxes, the IRS takes the cake with making things so difficult to understand when its really not that hard, learning this is like maneuvering a dump truck in a minefield (it shouldn’t be.) I love detailing and restoring cars, I created an LLC in Naples, A mobile detailing van. I created everything from the logo, business cards, name, did all the accounting with the overhead, managerial accounting to determine how much product cost for each job to determine a fair price to charge the customer. I love to cook; I have proficient knife skills. I am learning about the law, this is another thing that is hard to understand but it’s easier than the IRS forms. I am looking into equity law, commercial law, criminal law, constitutional law, human rights, and the bible.


When I have my kids all this is passed down to them which I want my kids to have a fulfilling life and I do everything I do for them. I sacrifice everything first which they come first in everything I do. I have the week to week now and I co-parent their mother which she can be hard to deal with sometimes but she has a heart of gold. I love my kids and they make my world go round everyday hearing their voice and watching them grow.


Today isn’t such a bad day. I am glad to be alive and able to live in the moment. I am grateful to be here today to write this and have the ability to place this into the world. I am grateful that I have a laptop to type on that I worked extremely hard for. I am grateful to have a table that was a gift from a close friend of mine I had helped move out of their apartment. I am grateful to have food that I am about to eat which I am not starving. I am grateful for having a home and I live with people that I love. I am grateful for having the ability to make decisions on my own and be free on this land. I am grateful to have a job that treats me with the utmost respect. I am thankful to have a job that gives me all the overtime needed to get me through rough times. I am thankful for having the ability to communicate with people and have an effective real relationship. I am thankful that I have grown out of my panic attack days (I hope.) I am grateful I can walk. I am grateful I have running water. Thank you, god, for residing in me and giving me the ability to make it through these hard times.


Thanks for reading.


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