I am standing in a feild, and the writing started

Notes

I ask myself questions, why do I feel the way I do? Why do I think the way I do? Why am I doing the same things over and over again and again when I know its not getting me where I need to go. I give me self excuses on why I do these things, and I make synapses in my brain stronger when I continue this kind of mindset.

I feel like this because I trade my energy, my mind, my frequency, my vibrations, out of sexual energy, the lack of. I seem to get caught in the same cycle going the same direction which the universe pushes me to. I guess its just my natural way of being and my natural direction. I walk the path observing, not really steering.

The purpose of my life I have figured out is to help others in my life and to make things easier for the others. The purpose My life is to me is to try to broaden the minds of the ones around me to see the way I do, for the right reasons, to be something more and to contribute more efficiently. To use their energy and stay focused, to be well rounded and morally stable, to help them open up their minds thru thought and asking questions. I try to bring the light to them to expose the darkness on things that I think they need to see.

This sometimes I think is wrong of me, for it is me and mine and I try to push it onto others. I may think I am helping them in, and idk if I am.. I find that I am mostly that people cant seem to relate to me in a manner to give me the answers need to continue the deep conversations I try to conduct. Some people are more capable than others in having deep conversations.

I find that language is the most amazing thing a person can have. To have a highly effective communicator who is solid in their grounds of speaking is a rarity. I strive to perfect my language but I get caught up in different aspects of life that I seem to think need different type of energy in order to perfect that specific aspect.

Such as romance. Such as law. Such as raising children. Such as just relaxing.

I find all of these things have to be perfected. I find that people with less thoughts find the easiest ways to perfect these essential things of life which I envy these simple people in the manner they conduct themselves without question.

I cant answer or begin to imagine where the grab their energies from, or how aware they are, but I can discover these things thru conversation. I cant seem to find people who can hold such conversation, to dive into their mind is uncomfortable.

In my experience I have found that people avoid these conversations at all cost and have defensive mechanisms put into place in order to avoid them. Some people may use a tactic of the conversation being pointless and have an excuse in order to say its a waste of time. Some people would make things awkward or even go on the attack. Some people view the conversation as a threat, perhaps from a past experience in which they trusted someone with the energy I am picking at, which they were ultimately let down. They were hurt, and are now suffering when going down the same path they were hurt in the past.

This is where trust comes into play, I trust blindly, yet intelligently. I want people to come together. One for all and all for one.