Only Time

There is only so much time in the day. A little peep into my life is at the current stage would for me is something Id want to say is just an average mans day. I am just a regular everyday normal American guy, well I consider myself normal but it seems like the standards are becoming a little stretched in the sense of being weird in my taste.

Right now I am just sitting here at my access control class D security job. I have the AC off is August 30th, 2020 it’s a little humid for some people it would be very humid. The moment feels a little surreal being able to sit here and ponder on my life and just where I have been and where I am going. Self-awareness is a huge factor right now at the moment as I type this for my website. I have been drinking a lot of water about 80 ounces or so. I have been on the internet a lot, which I need to take a day off. YouTube is a big factor when I am at work. Today I relearned everything about the bacteria in your gut on how it controls you. also, I learned about solar panels. And a few other things that kept me from thinking about all the bad things that are happening in my life.

I owe 1k to the IRS and a lot more to other creditors. I have a pending doom over my head with “the law.”

I think about my girlfriend a lot. She helps me feel grounded.

I like to think about just escaping a lot of things the easy way, like just living on a deserted island, or living off the land in the woods by a waterfall somewhere, this helps me escape the cold hard reality a lot of the time when things seem to get rough.

Sometimes my optimism wears thin and I hit rock bottom and for a day it seems like there’s no escape away from it, but I know its only temporary.  The next day I feel ten times better and ready to tackle.

My social life isn’t really desirable to most, being I am very introverted, any outside energies are unwanted and can be distracting.

I am working on a Living Trust for my mom, along with a pour-over will.

This is taking me a long time to complete, this must be the 3rd trust I have written up due to the first two having flaws and didn’t fit correctly with the things that needed to be written into the agreement.

I have been working more than normal with this money thing being able to take care of the things around me and I want to give people gifts that are closest to me. I have been peeping on things that people around me need and it would mean a lot to them by having these things. what I really need to give people closest to me is my genuine self and caring but this is hard for me, I don’t know how my brain is wired like this but I think it’s hereditary.

Someday I will make it, this being 26 and the path I am on most people didn’t start until they were way older.

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