My personal reflection on life. I am very present in my day to day routines. I get confused on what exactly I need to do or say in order to be relatable to others. I have too many options inside of my head in which to act upon, say, or do, and yet I always seem to choose the wrong decision. I follow the path I think I need to follow in the order I feel I need to take to be successful. I am stuck in between A place where I want to have material wealth, and spiritual wealth.
Sometimes I get in a state of mind when everything seems to be crashing down continually for a few days. The state of mind is relieving in itself. It brings me peace knowing that I can just sell everything, or just disappear and go somewhere. I feel like If I had no responsibility, no job, no business, no instagram, no bills, nothing, that everything will feel better. Perhaps If I had nothing but what I absolutely needed things will feel better.
Then I really break everything down inside of my head. To where I could prepare for this and think of all the different scenarios that could play out. For me this is easy, with the mind that I have I cant seem to find the off switch. Its grueling sometimes. When I think deeply about taking this route away from things, responsibilities, relationships, and just take to the road perhaps. Plan for a new life, it is nice knowing that this is always an option.
Then I think of everything that i have worked for, everything that I created out of the same kind of despaired energy, and letting it all go to waste. Id figure If I could get something for the things I created, but really it has the most value to me. Being stuck in the things that we own, up keep and do things, I wonder is if its really what life is really about, What do you think?
I find that I am young and I could do this, but there is just a lot of things that I can’t leave behind. Someday this will be an option of mine that I could take but today the patience will have to get me through. In time things will come, Just having the ability to get it off my chest by writing about it is a total relief. Writing is definitely a passion I need to further.
It is currently 5:30am, I am sitting in my dining area, at my marble table, with Ninja Assassins playing on the television, while I type on my laptop, still contemplating the day. I had went to sleep at 9:30pm or so and woke up at 1am and I haven’t went back to sleep since. Earlier in the day I woke up at 11:30am. Which The night prior I went to sleep late. I got stuck in a funny sleep cycle now that I started going out at night and not sleeping until early hours of the morning.
Id be at work by 7/8amish then get home and sleep. wake up and repeat. I don’t mind the sleep cycle, being that I still get done with everything I have to, but Id like to get it back on track like I had it before. A normal sleep cycle. Maybe this is why I have been feeling uneasy in my emotions.
Business seems to be doing good, and I have been talking to my family a lot more, which I haven’t really since I have been alive. I plan on being more sociable and I kinda already have some roots laid down in order to do so. I use to have Saturday Barbeques at my house when I had my kids but now my kids are with their mother in another state.
I plan on setting up a tv in my garage and having a place to chill in order to watch UFC fights or other things of interest. or maybe set up a pool table. I want to attract people to my house for good times. I have been told I have a different outlook at life and I just to bring people together.
So right now I am going to start getting ready for the day. Thanks for being here!